It’s the last Friday of the month and you know what that means! It’s Read Around the Rainbow time!
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This month’s topic is…
How to Romance a Romance Writer!
I can only speak for myself, so how would you romance this romance writer? Heh…by being subtle, understated, and truly sincere with it.
Why do I feel that way?
- There isn’t much that makes me more uncomfortable than being the center of attention. Especially if there’s an audience, but that’s not even required for my discomfort level to spike.
- These days so much of what is called romantic feels…performative, and not, IMO, truly romantic.
- Much of what is considered romantic is commercial/capitalistic BS.
- How is an overt gesture that’s made simply because society has deemed that such a gesture must be made on this special day (birthday, anniversary, Valentine’s Day, etc.) truly romantic rather than social manipulation? Not that such days should pass by unacknowledged if they’re important to your partner, but doing something for your partner because you love them and it makes them happy is the distinction for me.
- Much of this opinion is just me. At the urging of my kids, I’ve taken adult online tests for autism and score solidly on the spectrum. At this age I’m not likely to strive for an official diagnosis, but it’s enough to know there’s an explanation for my oddness. Anyway, I am very practical and literal which is why “romance” is generally wasted on me.
Seriously, how did I even become a romance writer? I got married in Vegas. I got my degree in mathematics with a minor in chemistry, for goodness’ sake. I did logic proofs for fun. This is not the typical educational background for a romance writer, is it?
And yet, growing up, I was drawn to romance books. I’ve never tried to analyze why, but the genre attracts me. It’s a mystery for the ages.
Back to my list…IMO, none of those things are needed to show two people’s love for one another. I’d rather receive a humble posy of flowers picked from the backyard garden presented without fanfare than a delivery of a huge bouquet of roses. I don’t need/want a big showy staged setup.
Simply put, I would rather love be shown by simple everyday caring gestures than random dramatic theatrics and/or expensive gifts that’ll be rarely (if ever) used.
I’m trying to think of how I’ve made my story characters show their love, and I think my opinions on what does or does not constitute a romantic gesture are reflected in my stories. I can’t think of any huge displays off the top of my head. Here a a couple examples of what I have done:
In ’Til Death Do Us Part, Sam has an irrational fear of flying, and he shows his love for Henry by steering him toward reserving an airplane seat as close as possible to an exit row. This actually saves Henry’s life, not that Sam will know this until years later when Henry is finally rescued.
Upon Henry’s return, Sam again subtly (and without fanfare) shows his caring and the depth of his feelings by putting a handmade quilt that had been a wedding gift back on their bed after having put it away when he’d moved on with another relationship, thinking Henry had died.
To me, those gestures are romantic in a way that presenting Henry with a huge welcome home banner or bouquet would not be.
In case you want to know more about ’Til Death Do Us Part…
’Til Death Do Us Part is available in Kindle Unlimited
and is 40% off at JMS Books Fri., Jan 27 > Sun., Jan 29!
In When Are You?, Vinnie is a bit of a romantic, but Leo…not so much. But Leo adores Vinnie and happily participates in romantic activities because they make Vinnie happy. Romance is about doing whatever will bring your partner joy or whatever will ease their burden.
Vinnie loves to create a romantic atmosphere around his and Leo’s spa tub. They share romantic moments together there, but it’s not something they’re doing because it’s an anniversary or holiday where they’re “supposed” to do something romantic. It’s because Vinnie loves relaxing in that tub, and he loves creating that atmosphere around it.
Leo loves nothing more than indulging Vinnie’s desires in that direction because it’s something that makes Vinnie happy, not because it’s an inherently romantic setup. It’s not something Leo would do for himself without Vinnie, but he loves the time he invests in this endeavor because he loves Vinnie, and Vinnie’s happiness is important to him.
And Leo further understands that Vinnie’s spa tub experiences are something that will help calm and center Vinnie during a time of great stress. Romance doesn’t have to be all about angling for a sexual reward for your efforts. It should be done out of true love.
In case you want to know more about When Are You?…
When Are You is available in Kindle Unlimited
and is 40% off at JMS Books Fri., Jan 27 > Sun., Jan 29!
WEBRING ~ Read Around the Rainbow!
Be sure to flip through the webring to read your favorite authors’ takes on this topic! For your convenience, here are direct links to the other WebRing participants’ posts for this month’s topic:
Ofelia Gränd :: Nell Iris :: A.L. Lester :: Lillian Francis :: Fiona Glass :: Holly Day :: Amy Spector :: K.L. Noone :: Ellie Thomas
13 thoughts on “READ AROUND THE RAINBOW ~ How to Romance a Romance Writer #RAtR”
I’m exactly the same! Showy gestures just make me uncomfortable.
Really interesting! As you and quite a few others have said, it’s the little things that count, not the big romantic gestures!
“In ’Til Death Do Us Part, Sam has an irrational fear of flying, and he shows his love for Henry by steering him toward reserving an airplane seat as close as possible to an exit row.”
This is super romantic IMO. Something my husband would do for me…if I was afraid of flying that is 🙂
Thank you! Yes, the little things mean more to me, but in the end, it’s about knowing your partner and doing what they would love. When I think about it, it was just as romantic of Henry to indulge Sam by sitting where he suggested despite not buying into the phobia as it was of Sam to push for that.
Snap! another non-showy person here. Maybe being quiet and reserved goes with the creative territory? 😉
Could be? We’re the observant type?
Oh, yes, that seems very likely. I know I’ve always been a people-watcher, right from when I was a small child. Have you?